And it's not just our government that's having difficulties with this concept, my loyal reader. Unless your name is Sting, Bono, Cher or Tiffany quite a few Americans have problems understanding immigrants that practice mononymity. Some of us just can't grasp the notion of not having a first name or a surname. Naqibullah is constantly being called Fah-Nuh, Naharaja not only gets mail for Mr. LNU but is often referred to as Mr. Nu and Ms. Garg has been called, on more than one occasion, Noh-Nam-Ah-Gi-Van because people refuse to ask a simple question when they don't understand something. They just assume. What is so hard about asking, "Excuse me, what is your name?". I'm sure they'll tell you,.... especially if you ask them. They want their individuality as much as the next person. That's why they came here, so I'm sure they wouldn't have too much trouble answering a question. Most of the time though,we don't even bother to ask. We are so enamored with our own culture, most of us can't see past our own cheeseburgers, milkshakes, Chevys and poodles skirts.
In one episode of one of my favorite shows, M*A*S*H, Frank Burns is asked about his thoughts on individuality. His reply was, "Well, individuality is fine.... as long as we all do it together.". Although a laughable one liner on a TV show, it bothers me to think of how many people actually share this mentality. It represents the arrogance some practice by believing that everyone else in the world does things exactly the same way we do, and if they don't?.... well that's not our problem.... because they should!..... especially if their in America, for crying out loud! Get with the star spangled program and pick a last name,....would you please?!?!?
It's not only our culture that Americans have a love affair with, my fellow Observers. We think our morals and values are the worldwide bee's knees as well. We just can't seem to keep our red, white and true blue noses out of things that are not our business to begin with. We cannot expect another culture to begin to understand the imposition of our beliefs being forced upon it and then react harshly when we think its being done to us. Why should we expect any difference from them when we meddle with their beliefs? You hear phrases like, "Oh, that's not right" and "You can't do that". Well who are we to say? and Yes, they can. It's simple logic, really. It's their country, not yours. It's their culture, not ours. If we could just respect and accept those facts, life in this melting pot would be a lot easier when some idiot decides to stir it up.... but that's probably not the "American" way to do things according to the majority.
Naqibullah and others like him face this way of thinking every day from our citizens and our government. On the legal side, in order for him to get rid of the FNU acronym, he must petition the government to change his name, deal with miles of red tape and then plead his case in family court to be granted the ability to add a surname that he doesn't want in the first place. Turns out that this is the only recourse available to him to drop the FNU that mars his identity. Personally, if I was made to pick a name that meant absolutely nothing to me in order to fit into a conformist culture, I'd have some fun with it. I'd love to hear Mr. Fuzzibunns being called to the window in a proctologist's office. What about a Dr. with the last name Iveneecheecroch? I'm partial to hearing Miss Dongivahump being paged over the K-mart intercom along with the blue light special in aisle 4. The point is that immigrants do have to conform to the laws in this country if they want to work here or become citizens but it shouldn't be at the expense of wiping away who they are individually by making them take a name they don't want or need just to fill in a blank on a tax form or application.
Even American businesses understand and cater to this way of thinking. We all loved Discover Card's "Peggy" commercials because we related to the frustration with the outsourcing of customer service in this country along with it being a better ad campaign than the "awesome sauce" one that we are all enduring now while asking for "frog protection". The truth is that "Peggy" is not far from the reality that American companies train employees in other countries to use "American" names in order for some of us to have an easier time relating to them. Even though the practice may seem ridiculous to some, it must have some merit. Otherwise these companies wouldn't spend millions to teach Jahamid to call himself "Jeffery".
So why do Americans get so frustrated over the way other culture's members conduct themselves or even call themselves when they immigrate here? For that matter even when they stay in their own country? Why do we feel the uncontrollable need to change the way they think or live their lives either here or abroad? It's not like Indians are coming here and trying to shut down all the burger joints. You don't see Israeli immigrants or Muslims picketing outside pig farms, do you? When was the last time you saw Buddhists going door to door, on the weekends, with religious magazines or passing out pamphlets? Or heard of an Asian government tell an American that wants to work there they can only use one name because that's the way they do it there? It seems like we are the only one pushing our practices on others. We even tell ourselves what to do. You see Americans all the time shooting ourselves in the cultural foot when it comes to our own traditions, their practices and even what we call them. Forget about the immigrants, our own people are doing it to us on that front. Some of us have no problem riding that politically correct bull the full 8 seconds and then some, and the only thing stupider than the "non-offensive" big ass belt buckle they win for doing it is the rest of us letting them get on it in the first place.
We incessantly push our agenda, morals and beliefs on other countries and ignorantly assume that we are dong so to "help" them or make them a better place to live because they should all want to emulate us. Then.... we wonder why so many of them hate us. When it comes to immigration these people are lured here by myths. America is the land of opportunity, The American Dream, Where all people are created equal. They come from around the world to seek out legendary fallacies that will guide them to a better life for them and their families.... until they get here and realize the full level of persecution they'll receive even for something as common to them as their name, let alone their culture or religion. Most Americans themselves don't believe that bill of goods our forefathers sold us over 200 years ago anymore. We live our lives within our system on a daily basis and understand that we are the "land of the free...er than most, our vote doesn't really count and that we don't really have a choice in our leadership, but it's still better than some other countries on the planet.... some. We're just too busy being the shining example for the rest of the world to be bothered with trivial facts such as other countries have faired better solving insignificant problems such as education, health care and immigration than us. So why do so many continue to flock to our dimming beacon of hope and prosperity? Surely it must have gotten back to family and friends that the American Dream is a crock.... so why do they even bother to come at all... legal or illegal? I think the answer lies within the fact that we used to be an example for the world that a democracy could succeed and that different cultures could work together to achieve something that had never existed before. This is the American legend that has been handed to these people. Our light of freedom may be fading, but it is still strong enough to attract people who believe in those ideals. Maybe it's irony that the very immigrants that we have such a problem with lately believe in those ideals more than most "Americans" do and maybe, just maybe, they'll help us remember them. Strictly an Observation. If you'll excuse me, Peggy has me on hold.
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